How to Get Banned from an Art Museum

How to Get Banned from an Art Museum

Before attempting these, actually go to a museum. I know. Scary place. You may be in danger of learning something if you do. Just a friendly warning from your local Decayed Artist Society.
^_^

1. ) Bring your dog into the museum. 
2. ) Let the dog rip up the furniture. 
3. ) Take a clue from canines and growl/bite patrons. 
4. ) Pee on the walls.
5. ) Eat food. (more on this later)
6. ) Periodically move from painting to painting and say in a loud voice, "I love this guy. I have five of his paintings."
7. ) When you see a painting by a famous female artist burn a bra in solidarity for feminists everywhere. 
8. ) Prop open the door leading to the "smoking" section of the museum permanently by fastening a 2x4 into the concrete as a stop. 
9. ) Refer to every security person as Jim. When they give you the "go to hell" look, say you're "off your meds," and bolt for the nearest bathroom.
10. ) Set up a homeless shelter in front of anything by J.M.W. Turner. When the staff tries to remove everyone from the area, complain loudly shouting, "See what they do to decayed artists today!? This is a crime!"
11. ) Find six paintings that you dislike. Stand at each one until you like them. If you have to answer the call to nature, just do so while standing.
12. ) Bring everything item in a famous painting to the museum. Set it up as if the painting were real. Strike a pose in the middle. 
13. ) Find a curator/guide. Follow them throughout the museum. Whenever they ask you if you need anything say that "you're fine." When they go home that night, leave a dead squirrel on their car's windshield. 
14. ) Sneak in a picnic basket. Find a spring time landscape painting. Proceed to enjoy the nice weather. 
15. ) Set up a flash mob musical that assists one of the museum's guides without telling the guide or the museum staff.  Perform it during every tour.
16. ) Chew tobacco. Spit on floor. 
17. ) Bring Veet. Go to a classical style nude painting. Take off your clothes and Veet yourself.
18. ) Dress as a raccoon. As people stare at you, walk to a painting that you like and pretend to wash your hands like the furry tyke. 
19. ) Sneak in a kazoo. Play some mood music at each masterpiece you see. 
20. ) Dress as a clown. Make balloon animals for the children. Pop them. 
21. ) Call the museum the day before your visit. Ask if they have regulations on sketching certain paintings. The next day show up with spray cans and some bricks expecting to sketch. 
22. ) Visit your local pet shop and buy a few hermit crabs. Set them free inside the Modern Art section.
23. ) Ask the staff if it's okay to chew gum. If they say no, chew some anyway.
24. ) If they ask you to get rid of your gum, stick it to your shoe and walk away. 
25. ) If they say that you can have gum, take out a package of Big League Chew, stuff all of it in your mouth, and blow bubbles obnoxiously. 
26. ) Find a member of the staff that has a name tag. Order Chinese food using the museum's address and the staff member's name. Call a new restaurant with the same info for a week. 
27. ) Curse loudly when ever you see the color green. If security approaches you about it, claim Tourrette's Syndrome. 
28. ) Walk back and forth through the front door. When asked why you're doing this, tell the staff that you dropped your "special" video camera. 
29. ) Walk in the next day saying that you had the video camera on your shirt button the entire time. 
30. ) Find a long hallway with lots of paintings. As the curator/guide gives his tour shine a laser pointer into his face. Stop when people laugh. Raise your hand. Ask a stupid question about why a particular piece has nudes or depicts melting clocks. After he answers the question, flash the laser in his face again. Repeat this until the guide quits his job or you get kicked out.

However, I encourage you to not get kicked out of museums. 

If you have to though, the list above should work. 

Enjoy your weekend! ^_^